Archive for the ‘Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant’ Category
When Bad Bosses a.k.a. TOTs, Mark Their Spot
28August 2009
The recession isn’t over yet, but some economic sectors are sprouting again, so bad bosses, a.k.a. TOTs, are taking this opportunity to act out in some specific ways.
As BusinessWeek and MSNBC point out this week, Terrible Office Tyrants (TOTs)™ are in full season.
In particular, TOTs are now marking their territories like never before. Maybe they’re attempting to amass office space, sales forces, or “marking” sales territories with hoarded executive office pens! They might as well hang a sign on their doors that reads “This is MINE; go get your own stuff!” Territorialism is rampant, as mentioned in detail in my Psychology Today blog and in Forbes.com.
The problem is you have just been assigned a part of your TOT’s old sales territory - and he’s not real happy about it - even though he’s been your mentor for 11 years and you have diligently learned some of his best sales techniques. Now he is calling on his former clients, telling them that you’re a “rookie” and they should contact him because he’s the “real deal.”
What makes your Terrible Office Tyrant (TOT) display her territorial claims in the office?
It stands to reason that the same skills your TOT used to survive childhood and/or a former job would serve your boss well in the hand-to-hand combat of corporate life, as explained in Psychology Today entitled “Why Bosses Act Like Toddlers.” The goal is to get stuff - and keep it. Your goal is to have your TOT let go of it.
To avert conflicts, make sure that your TOT knows how much you value his or her mentoring. Promise that you’ll provide updates on former clients regularly.
Once your boss realizes that you’re not a threat, but an asset that will help the company grow, you’ll mitigate the power grab syndrome. In Tame Your Terrible Office TyrantTM (TOT): How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job, there are many more suggestions on how to handle difficult bosses.
Territorialism is just one of 20 Terrible Office Tyrant behaviors outlined in my book, by chapter. I am often asked to describe them. See if you can find one, two or more of these bad behaviors in your boss or co-workers in a given day or week:
BRATTY
These are the more aggressive traits that are typically activated when your TOT is operating under stress, has been taught that this behavior will achieve self-serving results, or your boss is fearful of an impending outcome:
1. Bragging
2. Bullying
3. Demanding
4. Ignoring
5. Impulsiveness
6. Lying
7. Self-Centeredness
8. Stubbornness
9. Tantrums
10. Territorialism
LITTLE LOST LAMBS
These traits are often born out of incompetence or general fear of inadequacy. While they seem benign, these boss behaviors can be just as irritating - and equally as unproductive in the workplace.
11. Whining
12. Endless Questioning
13. Fantasy World
14. Fickleness
15. Helplessness
16. Irrational Fears
17. Forgetfulness
18. Mood Swings
19. Neediness
20. Short Attention Spans
For more details on how to deal with bad bosses, TOTs and territorialism, you can order the book at Amazon, Barnes&Noble.com or Borders.
Timing Helps with Bad Bosses
14August 2009
When workplace frustrations seem overwhelming because of a cranky, bad or childish boss, a.k.a., a Terrible Office Tyrant (TOT), you can quit - or decide what you want and go for it. If you like your job and are up for the challenge, then here’s my advice—focus on getting your timing right.
As TOT readers know, and as explained in Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant™ (TOT): How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job, getting your toddlers and boss to listen to you often requires the same principles—and one is good timing.
As national career columnist Joyce Lain Kennedy mentions in her article Dealing with a bad boss isn’t easy for hamptonroads.com, and VIVMag.com states, both bad bosses and children behave in strikingly similar ways. Also see the Boston Globe’s hilariously pictorial pages of these TOT behaviors at Boston.com (in fact, you can go ahead and vote and view results).
Toddlers throw tantrums, scream “No!” and can be stubbornly demanding. Badly behaving bosses can have sudden angry outbursts, and say “No!” without any apparent reason.
Knowing how to tame your TOT will give you control and help you get what you want out of your job; and timing is critical. That includes staying out of the line of fire, as mentioned in my interview with career luminary Tory Johnson on GMA/ABC-News for “The Job Club.”
As a young mother, I learned that it was highly unwise to take my two tykes down the candy isle when it was feeding time. Taking your boss down the cubicle aisle at 11:30 a.m. while trying to get project approval? - also a bad idea.
To avoid a boss’s tantrum, plan ahead. You’ve schedule an afternoon meeting, so make sure there are high protein snacks available. They help regulate blood sugar. If you go for the sugary snacks, then you are just adding to the blood spiking problem, which will result in a later crash and fatigue. It can bring out Demanding, Fearful and other TOT inclinations (i.e., the worst in anyone.) See my regular blogs on Psychology Today, including one on Demanding bosses.
Remember to use timing to your advantage. Both you and your boss will be healthier for it. Also, try to plan meetings for earlier in the day when everyone is fresh and mental activity is up and running. Be fully prepared and confident in your skills, secure in your work achievements, and then put your timing plan to work.
With your good timing plan in hand (or securely in your head) you can tame you Terrible Office Tyrant (TOT) and work comfortable in the office playground. For more details on timing and TOTs, order the book at Amazon, Barnes&Noble.com or Borders.
P.S. I thoroughly enjoyed my interview today with Terri Trespicio, the host of SIRIUS Radio “Martha Stewart Whole Living.” (Visit TameYourTOT.com to listen.) She is a real pro and knew precisely what the book and topic was about; a lot of fun! Great caller questions, too.
Do You Report to a Schoolyard or to Work?
27July 2009
If you’re like many working professionals today, you may feel like you report to a schoolyard or playground each day, not to an office. But perhaps the only mood swings in sight are your boss’s mood swings.
Bad bosses, or what I call Terrible Office Tyrants (TOTs™) seem to be making rounds these days, as job loss fears are rampant. With unemployment at 9.5 percent nationally, it’s no wonder. Your boss may seem like the bully at recess who goads you into jumping down from the top of a towering slide. The real-life version being that she asks you to go into her manager’s office – the lion’s den – to confirm the details of Wednesday’s staff meeting.
If you’re running a company, this undoubtedly makes you cringe.
But take heart. In my new book, Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant™ (TOT): How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job, I remind people that childish behavior at work is not your imagination! Sand may not be found on the hallway parquet floor, but sandbox politics can be found everywhere if you look closely. Welcome to TOTdom.
Now that you know there’s is nothing wrong with you, and that unruly bosses and children who cannot moderate their power (a.k.a. TOTs) have a lot in common, what can you do? A few tips:
1. Use C.A.L.M. – Be the voice of reason to TOTs:
Communicate – Openly, honestly and frequently;
Anticipate – know when trouble might be coming down the hall, and be prepared with solutions (don’t add to the problem);
Laugh – Humor is the great diffuser of tension, so use it to simmer a heated debate; and
Manage up – As you would with a child, role model the behavior you want to see in your TOT managers, co-workers and your team. Use positive reinforcement, and set limits to bad behavior. Also, avoid enabling your TOT’s management style – it’s an easy trap, as she will often reward you for it!
2. Work hard, but don’t allow needy bosses to consume your life. Needy bosses have “separation anxiety,” and want you to work virtually 24/7. You might want to take a summer vacation, so give your TOT a “countdown” warning: “I’m leaving in 4, 3, 2, 1 week (s), but John is covering for me and all my projects are under control.”
3. Know that angry, irritable and generally bad bosses are usually acting out of fear, so stay clear. TOTs may be stressed out about their own jobs; meeting deadlines; reducing staff or pay; or just being overworked. Don’t allow yourself to be a punching bag. Know your timing, keep your message concise, be focused and non-emotional, and above all, remember that TOT behavior is thankfully NOT ABOUT YOU. Isn’t that a relief?!
You can take specific proactive steps to manage the 20 TOT traits, whether they are of the “bratty” or “little lost lamb” variety. Remember that behind the professional boss façade is often a small child (hanging from the monkey bars in fright!)
Take a moment to check off how many of these traits you face in a day, as an employee or manager. Please let me know through the blog or site contact forms. There are tons of tips and anecdotes in the new book, but I’d like to hear yours!
Bratty Behavior
1. Bragging
2. Bullying
3. Demanding
4. Ignoring
5. Impulsiveness
6. Lying
7. Self-Centeredness
8. Stubbornness
9. Tantrums
10. Territorialism
11. Whining
Little Lost Lambs
12. Endless Questioning
13. Fantasy World
14. Fickleness
15. Helplessness
16. Irrational Fears
17. Forgetfulness
18. Mood Swings
19. Neediness
20. Short Attention Spans
Help is Here for TOT-Laden Workplaces
23July 2009
It has been a very exciting week! In the first week’s launch of my book, Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant™(TOT): How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job (John Wiley & Sons), it has received extensive media attention. The book’s release represents my seven year passion, which continues - to help employees become more empowered in their jobs, and to foster a more humanized workplace. Along the way, I’ve had the support and encouragement of amazing business colleagues and friends, for which I am very grateful.
It’s rewarding to hear reactions to the book from employees, reporters and, yes, even business leaders! Comments have run the gamut from “Oh, of course!” to outright laughter. Overall, there’s a common, instant response to the core premise – the striking parallels between difficult bosses and children.
“That’s how my boss acts,” many people exclaim, finally realizing that they’re not alone.
“Boy, do we have TOTS in our office!” is another familiar statement.
“Wow, you’ve really hit on something here!”
And that’s one of the important messages of my writing and training – TOTs really are everywhere and all of us can deal with them.
As I discussed on ABC-TV this week with Tory Johnson, its important that we don’t lose sight of the fact that employees and employers must share the responsibility to tame their TOTs. Too many bad bosses are acting like unruly children who have trouble modulating their power. They’re throwing tantrums, being demanding, needy, distracted or moody.
Such childish behaviors sap productivity – at a time when we least need that to happen! But the great news is that employees can turn this around… almost instantly, with some honed parental-style, humanistic techniques!
As I pointed out in my recent “When TOTs Run the Office” article on the Psychology Today website, at some point in our working lives we’re likely to be confronted with a TOT. Too many offices resemble a chaotic schoolyard, replete with bad bosses playing sandbox politics. But therein lies an opportunity to save your sanity and everyone else’s.
By “decoding” the boss’s true emotions, employees can better align themselves with their manager’s goals, and become indispensable. Jihan Thompson of Marie Claire talks with me about this approach in the magazine’s August 2009 cover story, where I provide insights on interpreting a boss’s childlike statements.
Taming your TOT is not just for employees. In Forbes magazine’s CEO Power section this week, I point out how CEOs can also “Make Room at the Top” for strong leaders by avoiding “territorialism.” While doing so, they promote an environment where there’s space for everyone to grow and do their best work. A place that’s safe for success. This boosts productivity, employee morale and, profits.
So the next time you spot a TOT, don’t reach for a pacifier, pack your boxes or order a mass layoff. First get your copy (or copies!) of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant™(TOT) from Amazon, Barnes & Noble or Borders …and tame your office TOTs – for a workplace that works!
Dial Down Mistrust in the Office
24April 2009
Are you still in shock by reports of Wall Street failures and bailouts? Do you ever relate the performance of these firms to Terrible Office Tyrants or TOTs™ in your company? If you do you’re not alone. Apparently, a bad boss can go under the radar just like global conglomerates until it’s too late.
According to 86% of U.S. adults in a recent independent national survey we commissioned, public failures of large companies are viewed as similar to the much less conspicuous actions of bosses who make poor decisions every day. Both can leave a wake of damage behind them - and no one is aware of it until disaster strikes. (Unlike toddlers, though, the office TOT leaves no juice or chocolate stains to for the CEO to discover!) Unfortunately, sometimes you feel that if you push back on a decision or idea, you may be pushed out!)
Don’t allow these frustrating office situations to ruin your day or your career. If you become catalyst for positive change, you’ll do your part to dial down the mistrust meter. Fine-tune your skills in managing up before things get out of hand. This will not only reduce your stress level. It may be the most strategic career move of your life.
Like so many aspects of achieving success, maintaining an objective, healthy perspective and being proactive can make all the difference. Here are some simple workplace strategies to manage counter-productive office politics:
Provide your managers with highly specific input: Your views matter and may be the “missing piece in the puzzle” that can help your company make better, more informed decisions. You’d be surprised how often your solutions are welcome, and even if one out of five are workable, they will be greatly appreciated. After all, you’re making your boss’s job easier if you have answers.
Don’t allow negativity to devour you: Despite the prevalent “sky is falling” mood in corporate America, keep your eye on the prize with regard to your career and opportunities. When things are in flux, chances for advancement can unfold before you at any time - if you allow them to - and believe it or not, that demeanor will be contagious to your boss.
Make tough times work in your favor: Make it clear your co-workers and your team that you’re a reliable, solutions-oriented person. Read my Managing Up tips under New/Articles, to find out more about how to effect change through diplomacy and problem solving.
Everyone can agree that this is an unusual and very challenging period of our history. But keep in mind that while you can’t control how Wall Street or the economy affects your company, you can help create more positive energy around you. Remember to make skillful communication, problem solving, and peace making a daily goal. Your efforts will reap innumerable benefits now, but especially when the uptick returns!
